The Mother of All Pranks
by draco-is-the-punk
Summary: James Potter has made the mother of all pranks. Sirius and Remus must pretend to be in love for one week, and if anybody guesses its a fake, they both get cursed by a potion James gave them. Cursed with a six month long disfigurement. SBxRL eventually
1. Sunday

Sirius Black rolled over and pulled his pillow to him, snuffling slightly. Drawing back sharply, James Potter studied his best friend's sleeping face carefully. At last, judging that he was indeed fast asleep, James uncorked a vial and sprinkled a few drops of violet liquid into Sirius' slightly open mouth. Sirius grunted as the potion hit his tongue, and James held his breath. But with an unconscious swallow, the potion slipped down Sirius' throat, and James heaved a sigh of relief. As he moved onto Remus' bed, James let a slow smile creep across his face. This was the mother of all pranks; the best idea James had ever had. It was going to be so hilarious!

When James woke up the next morning, his two friends were still sleeping peacefully. He grinned at what awaited them when they woke up, and sat back on his pillows to read the Daily Prophet. Presently, Sirius stretched and yawned, showing his gleaming white teeth and pointed pink tongue, his grey eyes shut tight. He opened one eye, cocked his head to one side and considered James

"Why are you awake?" he asked suspiciously. James looked affronted, but Sirius did after all have good reason for asking. James rarely stirred before midday on weekends, and here he was, up at nine in the morning on a Sunday!

"Ah, wouldn't _you _like to know!" James said mysteriously, earning a confused look from Sirius. Sirius yawned again, running his fingers through his long black hair with ease. James tugged a lock of his own dark hair ruefully; if his hair grew to be as long as Sirius', it would be impossible to even contemplate combing it, let alone with his fingers. A soft moan from the bed on the other side of Sirius told them that Remus was awake. The teen werewolf shook his tawny head sleepily, and then rolled sideways out of bed. Staggering to his feet, he stumbled to the bathroom, and the sound of a running shower could be heard. Sirius grinned, and then turned to James.

"Fancy getting some breakfast when Moony gets back? We should celebrate your new earliness…"

"Interesting adjective use," Remus said, rubbing his hair with a red and gold towel. Sirius stuck his tongue out, and Remus smiled. James clapped his hands together, and they both looked at him.

"Okay, before I say anything, you have to promise not to kill me."

"No," Sirius said. "You'd probably deserve it."

"Fair enough," James agreed. "Okay then."

Both Remus and Sirius were looking curiously at him. Remus sat down on Sirius' bed and they both waited for James to begin. James cleared his throat, looking at them with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Wait, where's Peter?" Sirius asked. James shrugged.

"He had a detention with McGonagall I think." Remus offered.

The other two looked aghast.

"On a Sunday?"

"At this hour?"

Remus laughed at their horrified faces, and then looked back at James.

"You were saying…?"

"Ah yes. Well gentlemen, I had an idea. An idea for a joke. The best joke ever. And it involves both of you."

"Go on…" Remus said, his voice soft and dangerous. James smiled innocently, and continued.

"Well, last night when you were both asleep, I fed you a potion. And if you do not go along with something, this potion will act. In fact, you will end up with your hair going all greasy, spots erupting all over your faces, and your skin will go yellow. This will stay for six months."

James stifled a chuckle as Sirius seized a handful of his shiny black hair in horror and Remus put a trembling hand up to his smooth cheek as if afraid that pustules would start bursting forth instantaneously. James' words had clearly made the desired impact on his two friends; they looked ready to push each other off a cliff if it would save their beloved looks.

"What do we have to do?" Sirius demanded.

"You have to do exactly what I am about to say." James said in a sing-song voice. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.

"Which is…?"

"You are going to pretend to the whole school, including Peter, that you two are a happy couple."

Remus looked as if he had just been run over by a herd of Hippogriffs, and Sirius exploded.

"You WHAT??" he yelled.

James laughed evilly, and his two friends looked stunned.

"If you don't… if you want to look like Snape for half a year…"

Remus slumped into Sirius' bed, moaning.

"Evil… you're evil…"

"How long do we have to pretend we're... you know…" Sirius said, making a gesture with his hands. James snorted and Remus raised an eyebrow.

"A week," James answered "And if anybody guesses it isn't for real… you lose. Pimple city."

Remus groaned, and Sirius ruffled his hair absentmindedly.

"Kill him…" he said, gesturing at James. Remus was only too happy to oblige. After they had punched and hexed James into oblivion, Sirius actually seemed to find the idea quite amusing.

"Very well thought out, mate!" he said, clapping James on the shoulder "You were right about it being a good prank."

Remus' jaw dropped so far he wouldn't have been surprised if it had hit the ground.

"Good?" he said hysterically. "Good?! We have to pretend we're bloody… that we shag each other into your mattress every night to the whole school, and you think its bloody good?"

Sirius looked at him calmly

"Don't fucking swear!" he reprimanded with a grin. Remus scowled. He couldn't believe that Sirius was being so calm about it all. Then again, it took a lot for Sirius to get wound up. Although… when Sirius did get annoyed it was like a firework display, and generally blew up all over the place. Remus sighed, and turned to James.

"When does this week start?" he asked.

"Tomorrow."

"They joy…" Remus muttered, rolling his deep chocolate eyes sardonically.


	2. Monday

On Monday morning, Remus opened his eyes and yawned. Sirius grinned as he saw his friend unfurl from the tangled sheets, blinking sleepily. To Remus' shock, Sirius gave him a quick kiss on the forehead and then flopped back onto his own bed.

"What was that for?" Remus hissed. Sirius winked cheekily.

"Are we not lovers?"

"Yeah, but nobody else is awake yet!" Remus reminded him with a reproving glare. Sirius shrugged lazily.

"Getting into character." he said. Remus snorted, grabbing a comb off his bedside table and tugging it through his light brown hair.

"You don't _need_ to get into character. You've always been a drama queen."

Sirius grinned, and opened his mouth to reply when a slight groan made them both turn their heads. James raised his head from the pillow, his usual "morning face" firmly in place. He pushed his glasses on, looking at his friends. When he remembered his insane prank, a dazzling smile lit up his face. This resulted in two well-aimed pillows hitting him squarely on the nose.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Being a git." Remus said calmly. Sirius giggled femininely, earning him a startled look from both Remus and James.

"What?" he asked defensively. Peter gave a sleepy grunt, and James looked at Remus and Sirius in delight.

"Peter!" James crowed, shaking Peter vigorously.

"What??" Peter gasped, his head flopping backwards and forwards.

"Remus and Sirius are going out." James announced smugly. Remus tried to keep his cheeks from going scarlet as Peter's eyes popped.

"No?" he squeaked in glee. Sirius shrugged, looked mischievously at Remus.

"What can I say? He can't keep his hands off me." the dark haired Animagus chuckled, ducking as Remus swatted at him. Peter squealed in an alarmingly fan-girl like way, and James sat back proudly, admiring his handiwork. Sirius was now tickling Remus without mercy, and Remus was lying back on his bed, his brown hair tousled, and panting.

"No, Sirius, stop it!" he gasped, squirming away. James grinned at them. They were acting like a couple already. Now, just to spread the news…

By mid morning, the whole school was buzzing by the newest juicy gossip. Wherever Sirius and Remus went, heads turned and people whispered behind their hands.

"I feel like everybody's looking at us…" Remus said, looking nervously behind him as yet another pair of excited first years pointed at them.

"Everybody _is _looking at you." James said calmly. "This leads me to your first task."

Remus narrowed his eyes.

"Nobody mentioned anything about tasks…" he said slowly. James gave a malevolent grin.

"Oh, did I not? Oh well. Pretending to be in happy couple land is not a completely satisfying task. So I have set a number of small missions for you to complete each day."

Sirius sighed, shaking his head. Knowing James, they were bound to be extremely embarrassing.

"Okay, today is your first day so I decided to go easy on you. You have to get some people, completely unrelated to us, passers-by if you will, to utter the following two phrases."

"Which are…?" Remus asked impatiently.

"Dramatic pause!" James said. They stared at him for a few seconds, and then he said in a low resonating voice

"You have to get the following two phrases; "Aw, that's so cute,""

"Easy," Sirius said confidently

"…and "Get a room!"

Remus gulped, and Sirius swallowed.

"And." James added "It has to be something you have done _together_. So you can't go off with one of your little fan girls, Pads."

Sirius looked scandalised

"As if I would!"

"I should hope Sirius has better taste." Remus said scathingly.

"Of course; I'm going out with you, aren't I?"

"In your dreams… well, James'."

Sirius grinned, although he felt a slight twinge of annoyance at Remus' words. He didn't know why… maybe he was hungry. Yeah, that was it. They hadn't had breakfast yet after all.

They were walking down to the Great Hall when a sudden bolt of inspiration hit Sirius.

"Just go along with me." he whispered in Remus' ear. Confused, his friend agreed. Sirius stopped in front of a group of giggling Hufflepuff girls.

"Honey, are you okay?" he said to Remus in a concerned way. The girls stopped laughing to look over. Remus, catching Sirius' eye, immediately looked pale and weak.

"Yeah, he said in a feeble voice. Sirius looked at him, worry etched all over his face. He unhooked Remus' bag and swung it over his shoulder.

"Come on, sweetheart." he said. The Hufflepuffs cooed in delight.

"Awwwwwww, that's so sweet." one of them trilled. Sirius grinned at James, who looked impressed.

"The other one will be harder…" Remus muttered, still leaning pathetically on Sirius. Sirius agreed with him; how could they get somebody to tell them to get a room? Sirius suddenly had a disturbing image of Remus kissing him. He felt all kind of tingly, almost as if he _liked _the image.

"Sirius…" the imaginary Remus was whispering. Sirius smiled quixotically, walking dreamily along the corridor.

"Sirius!" Remus said again, louder. He clicked his fingers in front of Sirius' face. "Earth to Sirius!"

Sirius blinked repeatedly, going a fetching shade of magenta. He shook his head, as though plagued by an invisible Wrackspurt. Kissing Remus was out of the question, Remus would throttle him, even if it was for the greater good. But what could they do? In Charms, Sirius tried whispering to Remus and holding his hand. This made some more people go "Aw," but the actions were clearly not physical enough to cause a stronger reaction. It would have to be something… more… Sirius struggled to think of the words. They passed a gaggle of Slytherins, including their arch nemesis, Severus Snape. Sirius looked at Remus, and casually leaned forwards. Remus meanwhile, was just walking along minding his own business. He turned sharply to look at Sirius, going scarlet. Sirius gave him an innocent smile, quite enjoying himself. Remus felt like slapping his friend, as catcalls and jeers surrounded them

"Ewwww… _gross_!! Just _look _at that! Get a _room _you two!" Snape sneered. James applauded, and Sirius stepped away from Remus, who looked as if he was about to faint.

"Hey, we won the task didn't we??" Sirius said nervously, looking at Remus.

"You could have asked me, before you went and…"

"Groped your arse," James supplemented.

"Okay, next time I grope your arse, I will ask your express permission." Sirius said sincerely. Remus glared at him, feeling furious. But he wasn't sure whether he was angry that Sirius had touched him as much as the fact that Sirius was making light of the whole situation; making it all seem like a huge joke. Sirius meanwhile was completely shocked about what he had both done. Especially the fact that he had enjoyed it, and wanted to do it again, and again…

Sirius shook his head, alarmed by these thoughts. It was just lust, that's all it was. Remus is a good looking guy, and Sirius would naturally notice this. It didn't mean he was gay. Of course he wasn't gay, Sirius was so un-gay. But then the image of him and Remus kissing crept back into his head, and he couldn't help but wish it was true. Then he forced himself to think about something else, anything else.

He hoped that this dumb thing would be over and done with as soon as possible. Remus was thinking the exact same thing, silently seething although he still wasn't quite sure why.


	3. Tuesday

Sirius woke up the next morning to see James crouching over a pile of small flashing discs and muttering to himself. He gave a start when he saw Sirius, and dropped his wand.

"What _are_ you doing?" Sirius said interestedly. James tapped the side of his nose with a smirk.

"For me to know and you to find out, mon amie…" he said mysteriously, scooping up a handful of the colourful circles and squinting at them. He then began to sift them into two neat piles. Sirius shrugged, and leaned back, thinking of the dream he had been having.

"James, was that French?" a sleepy voice asked.

"Yes," James answered, looking mildly offended "What's with the snarky voice? Am I not allowed to know a little French?"

"Didn't think you had the brains." Remus said, slumping under the sheets and rubbing his eyes. He could tell that the other two were staring at him in shock. He was kind of shocked as well; why was he so annoyed? He felt somebody sit down on the end of his bed, and a voice said

"Moony… is this about what happened yesterday?"

Remus peeped over the white linen, and saw Sirius biting his lip and looking nervous.

"I don't know what came over me, seriously. I really didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, and I am so, so sorry. Forgive me?"

Remus' heart melted as his friend turned his huge puppy dog eyes to him, looking all vulnerable and cute. He felt his mouth curl up in a reluctant smile.

"Yeah, yeah… I forgiv-oof!"

Sirius had flung his arms around Remus, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. Remus laughed as Sirius lost his balance and collapsed on top of him. Lucky Sirius was so thin or Remus might have had his legs squashed. Remus bent his legs and tugged them out from beneath Sirius, so that Sirius was in between them, pressing against his stomach and chest instead, his breathing ragged and heavy. Remus put his arms around Sirius, giving him a friendly squeeze. Sirius felt like he was flying; wrapped up in Remus, with his friend's head nuzzling into his shoulder… Sirius suddenly pulled away, falling back off the bed as if electrocuted. Remus blinked at him, feeling disappointed and a little confused that the embrace had ended so quickly. He loved hugs with Sirius; he always felt so warm and safe, like Sirius was his own comfort blanket, his own little force field from the world. Remus looked at the space on the sheets between his legs where Sirius had been moments before. Sirius was lying flat on the floor by Remus' bed, wondering if he'd ever be able to touch Remus again in a platonic way. Every touch sent fiery sensations up his body. Sirius didn't know what was happening to him, and he was scared. More scared than he'd ever been in his life.

"James, what are those things?" Remus asked, gesturing to the small stacks. James gave an evil chuckle, before picking up one of the small objects and chucking it at the bed. Remus lent forwards and picked up what he now recognised as a badge. The golden words "Sirius is mine," was emblazoned across it, along with a scattering of tiny pink love hearts that floated across the shiny surface like confetti. Remus' eyes widened, and Sirius got to his feet to look at it. Sirius shook his head, and James grinning, tossing Sirius another badge. This one read "Remus is my chocolate." Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius spluttered. James laughed, and held up a handful of the colourful badges for them to examine.

"Tuesday, Task One." James announced, shoving a dozen personalised badges into each of the boys hands. "You have to wear these on your robes. In plain view."

"I can't wear _this_!" Remus snorted, holding up one circle exclaiming "Sirius is such a bad boy and I like that."

Sirius was reading his own badges, scratching his head.

"You spelt kinky wrong." he said to James. Remus choked, and James seized the badge, groaning.

"Ah, no way! I thought it had a C in it!"

Remus shook his head, while James tapped the offending crescent with his wand.

"That's better he said, handing Sirius the badge back.

"We can't wear these around school!" Remus moaned, holding up a garish badge and peering at it. "What'll everybody _say_?? The teachers… McGonagall… I'm surprised we haven't been cursed by Sirius' fan club yet…"

"Are you kidding??" James said incredulously "This is a fan girl's fantasy! They even made bets; you were the favourite."

Sirius stared at him as he paused, thinking and trying to remember.

"Let's see… Sirius/ Remus 10 to 1. James/Sirius 50 to 1. Lily/Sirius 25 to 1. Snape/Sirius…"

"I beg your pardon?"

"…100 to 1."

"What a load of dragon dung."

"Yeah, I was getting worried about those Lily odds…"

Sirius laughed loudly and derisively.

"Yeah… as if! She is so very not my type."

"So… what is?" James asked. He fixed his hazel eyes on Sirius, and Remus focused his gaze on the dark haired Animagus as well. Sirius swallowed, and said

"Well… intelligent…"

"Lily is!" James said indignantly, but Remus held up a hand to silence him.

"Witty, you know… good sense of humour, but quite sensitive as well. Somebody you can talk to about anything, random stuff that doesn't matter, anything that pops into your head and you want to share. Like dreams and shit. Loving, loyal… somebody who would stay with me, somebody who would look at me for more than my looks. Deep eyes, eyes so deep you can see their soul, all shining and bright, twinkling whenever they say or hear something funny. A smile that nobody else sees, you feel is directed at you, lights up the whole room."

Sirius suddenly realised what he'd just said, and that it described extremely vividly somebody sitting just inches from him. He said quickly

"And big tits."

Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius congratulated himself on that excellent save.

"I hear you." James said feelingly.

"Men." Remus sighed to himself. "I hate men." Sirius and James laughed.

"Something you haven't told us, Moony?" James asked, giving Remus a joking punch on the arm.

"Oh no. It's just… men are such _bastards_."

"Jeez, way to make a guy feel good about himself." Sirius quipped. Remus gave him a weak smile.

"Why are we all so shallow and frivolous, though?" Remus wondered aloud. James shrugged, and Sirius looked at Remus, confused. Remus shrugged, smiling at them.

"Ah well, we aren't too bad specimens."

"I feel like a lab rat." Sirius joked, flicking Remus on the nose. Remus squeaked, batting at Sirius like a playful kitten. Then, as an alarm rang at the other side of the dormitory, the other Gryffindor boys stirred, yawning and blinking sleepily. It was time to get up. Grumbling and shooting angry glances at James, Sirius and Remus pulled on their robes and started to affix the kitschy badges to their robes.

"These badges are gay in _every _sense." James said with a self satisfied smile. Sirius pushed him over, and they walked off to breakfast. Remus tugged at his robes, feeling very self conscious. People were stopping dead in the corridor to gawp at the two boys' attire.

"So very outlandish yet tacky." was Snape's intellectual contribution. "And disturbing. Please stand elsewhere; you are making me look bad."

"Yeah, because _you're_ such a heartthrob, Snivellus," Sirius retorted, dragging Remus off down the corridor. By dinner time, both boys were fed up. They sat down at the Gryffindor table, and Sirius reached hungrily for a handful of chips. James waited until his friends had loaded their plates, and cleared his throat.

"Task Two…" he said. Remus groaned, and James ignored him.

"You aren't allowed to feed yourself."

"You want us to starve to death?" Sirius said in shock, staring at the mound of delicious food steaming away on his plate.

"No, I think James was implying that we have to feed each other." Remus said slowly. James beamed, and Sirius perked up a little.

"Oh well, that's easy enough!" he sad, spearing a roast potato off Remus' plate. He held it up, and Remus opened his mouth. Sirius popped the food into it, smirking.

"You look like a baby bird!" he said. Remus glared at him, and stabbed his fork into one of Sirius' pumpkin pasties. He lifted the whole thing up to Sirius, who took a dainty bite. Then he ripped off a large chunk of pastry and swallowed it, almost dragging the whole pie off the fork.

"Animal," Remus said fondly, as Sirius unhooked the pie, tilted his head back, and ate it in three quick bites.

"You can talk," he sniffed, wiping his mouth on the back off his hand. He grabbed a bread roll, and tore off a piece, offering it to Remus, who caught it in his teeth and pulled it out of Sirius' grasp. Laughing, Sirius ripped off some more. As he fed it to the werewolf, Remus's mouth brushed against the tips of his fingers. They both froze. Sirius felt tingles spread through his hand, and pulled away. Remus blinked, and turned quickly back to his plate.

"… just want to kiss those lips…" Sirius murmured. Remus looked sharply at him.

"What?" he asked. Sirius jumped, flushing.

"I… said do you want some chips?" he invented quickly, pointing to a bowl of fries.

"Oh… okay…" Remus said. Sirius' eyes glinted.

"Come with me to bed."

"What?!"

"Do you want some more bread?"

"Sirius…" Remus laughed "Stop teasing me."

"Au contraire, it is you who is the tease."

"In what way?" Remus asked softly. They suddenly became aware of James' hazel eyes burning holes in them, and busied themselves finding more food for each other to eat. James smiled secretively as he watched them.


	4. Wednesday

**Thanks for everybody who reviewed my earlier chapters! Love you all! The lyrics used in this chapter are "It's true that we love one another," by The White Stripes.**

The next morning, Remus and Sirius were woken early by James shaking them vigorously.

"Wha?!" Sirius said, almost falling out of bed.

"Shh!" James hissed, gesturing at Peter who was fast asleep, and the other boys in the dormitory who were also slumbering peacefully. He handed Sirius a sheaf of parchment.

"Ooh, I love this muggle song." Sirius said dreamily. "But why does it have our names on?"

"Ah, those are the lyrics which you must learn for your performance tonight."

"What?" yelped Remus, scrambling out of bed and coming over to see. "You know I hate singing!"

"But you're a great singer!" Sirius protested "I heard you singing in the shower once."

Blushing, Remus scanned the lyrics.

"Well, it could be worse I suppose. But why do I get the girl part?"

James and Sirius chuckled, and then James stood up.

"Well, two hours till school begins. We have a free period, and then its double History of Magic… which I am now going to arrange for you to miss. Binns isn't all there; it won't be a problem."

"You can't do that! History of Magic is important!" Remus objected. Sirius put a hand over his mouth.

"Great, very good!" Sirius said, trying to drown out his friend's muffled disapproval. Remus wrenched Sirius' hand away.

"Anyway, we know all the lyrics! It's an easy enough song; and you and Sirius both love the White Stripes…"

"Well you can practise your dancing then!" James said, disappearing through the door.

"Dancing?? I hope he's joking… and where's he going anyway?"

"To see Lily, probably." Sirius shrugged, yawning. He pulled the covers over his head.

"Wake me up at lunchtime."

Remus sighed, and then poked the area under the sheets where Sirius' head was. Sirius squeaked, and emerged grumpily.

"We need to learn these?" Remus reminded him, waving the parchment. Sirius hoisted himself further up the pillows.

"Okay, okay…"

Remus sat down next to Sirius, and handed him the words.

"Blah… blah… learned! Now it's time to sleep… OUCH!"

"Be serious!" Remus reproved "Or we are going to look like idiots!"

"I _am _being Sirius!" he whined. Remus fought to keep his face straight. He gave an involuntary shiver, and Sirius looked at him.

"Are you cold?" he asked. Remus nodded, and Sirius pulled back the sheets.

"Get in."

Remus hesitated, and then got in beside Sirius. It wasn't anything he hadn't done already, so why did it feel different this time? Sirius tucked the sheets around Remus, and then held up the lyrics.

"Damn James." he muttered. Remus smiled involuntarily.

"Okay, so I'm the red ink, and you're the black."

"The name's Black… Sirius Black."

"Sirius!"

"Okay, Mr Grumpy…"

Sirius pouted, and Remus fought the urge to gather him up in his arms. Merely to distract himself from this sudden impulse, Remus scanned through the parchment, his lips pursed.

"So who's the green ink?"

Sirius snatched the parchment, and looked at it.

"James I think… yeah, look! Just before it, it says "James do you think that Sirius really loves me.""

Remus nodded, and looked up at Sirius. Sirius was looking at him with an odd expression on his face, but looked away quickly when he saw Remus watching him.

"Well, at least James will make a prat of himself as well." Remus said with a weak smile. Sirius grinned, pushing his hair out of his eyes and looking at Remus' hands holding the lyrics. His lips parted in a slow sigh, and Remus looked up at him, misunderstanding.

"It'll be all right… all we have to do is sing this one short song in front of a few people…"

Remus shuddered, putting the lyrics down.

"… Which I am petrified about, but you'll be okay…" he continued, twisting the sheets. Sirius tugged his hand away, and gave him a smile.

"We don't have to do this you know. I mean, if you want to stop, that's okay with me."

Remus looked at him incredulously.

"You mean, you would be prepared to be deformed for a year... for me?"

Sirius gave him a painful smile.

"What are friends for?"

Sirius suddenly found himself being hugged by Remus.

"No thanks, Sirius… but it was really sweet of you to offer…" he murmured in Sirius' ear. Sirius smiled into Remus' shoulder, and slipped an arm around his waist.

"OHMIGOD!"

They both sat bolt upright, to find Peter staring at them.

"Sorry… oh my god!"

And with that, he scurried off down the dormitory towards the door. Sirius watched him, bemusedly.

"What the… hey where did everybody else go?"

He peered at the empty dormitory, and Remus looked at his watch.

"School has started; they must have gone to the common room, or library or something without us noticing."

He glared at James's empty bed, as if it was the one stopping them from going to the library. He then groaned.

"What?" Sirius asked anxiously.

"Peter. You know what a blabber mouth he is… I bet he's off to tell the whole castle that… we were in bed or something."

"But we _are _in bed!"

"You know what I mean!" Remus sighed, poking Sirius in the chest.

"I do?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Yeah... come on… you know… in _bed_. You know… in bed with each other, you know…"

"Oh…" Sirius said slyly. "You mean… uh, uh…._uh_… harder Remus, harder…."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"So crude." he sniffed. Sirius looked affronted.

"Moi?"

"Yeah… anyway…"

"Why do you care what they think anyway?" Sirius asked. Remus looked up in surprise.

"It's not particularly that. It's just… well. Peter is a little prone to exaggeration…"

"So why would anybody believe him?" Sirius crooned. "Besides… at the end of the week, this whole pretence will be over."

It hurt Sirius to see that Remus was horrified by the very idea of them being together, and he was silent for a moment or two. Remus was quiet as well, reading and re-reading his part of the song.

"It's not that I mind." he burst out. "I mean, people thinking we're together…"

He struggled to find words for what he was thinking. He realised that he sounded as if he was confessing love to Sirius or something, and quickly said

"I don't want us to stop having fun, you know, I don't want this whole thing of James' to spoil our friendship, make us scared to be around each other."

"Is that how you feel around me?" Sirius asked softly.

"No of course not! I just thought… you might feel like that around me. And I don't want you to."

"You think too much." Sirius said, putting his arm around Remus. "Where's my happy smiley Remus gone?"

Remus smiled tepidly, and Sirius frowned.

"I know something that will cheer you up! Sirius' emergency stash!"

Remus looked at him in confusion. Sirius smiled, and reached over the side of the bed, pulling out a large bar of Honeydukes finest chocolate. Remus' eyes grew wide, the shiny wrapper of the chocolate reflected in each one.

"Chocolate. Me want."

Sirius grinned.

"Sorry, this chocolate is only for _happy _people."

"I _am _happy!" Remus protested crossly, reaching for the chocolate. Sirius smirked, holding it out of reach.

"You don't look happy to me…"

Remus smiled tersely, and then made another grab for the bar.

"Please nice Sirius, please can I have the chocolate? I'll love you for ever and ever…"

"What, you don't already?" Sirius said, mock offended. He held the chocolate under the covers, and Remus scrabbled around, trying to find it. Eventually, Sirius relinquished grip, and Remus held up the bar triumphantly. He broke it in half, and offered half to Sirius, who shook his head with a smile.

"Nah… can't deny a chocoholic werewolf his sustenance."

Remus shoved it into Sirius' hands, and then took a huge bite out of his half. After they had finished the chocolate, they lay back contented and sleepy.

"Happy now?" Sirius murmured.

"Swimmingly." Remus replied drowsily. Was Sirius' hand on his leg? He couldn't remember how it got there. Oh well… it felt quite nice…

After they lay there for a while, Remus suddenly remembered that they were meant to be learning the words.

"Come on! We only have an hour to go until History of Magic is over!" he reminded Sirius, who grudgingly set about learning his words. He felt like it was exam season again; Remus was acting in the exact same way as he did then. By the time James returned to collect them, they could have chanted the song backwards. Sirius was more than ready, but Remus was still a bit jittery. All through afternoon classes, Sirius could have sworn he heard Remus singing the song under his breath, over and over again. When he was supposed to be listening to the teacher as well! This was probably the first time ever that Remus had not put his whole attention into a lesson.

By dinner, even Remus was fully prepared, although no less nervous. They wolfed down their roast dinner, and were about to leave the table when James produced an acoustic guitar from under the table.

"We are singing _now_?" yelped Remus "_Here_??"

James smirked, and pointed his wand at each of them, muttering _Sonorous_! He then picked up a plectrum and began to play. The tune, magically magnified, rang through the hall, and heads swivelled to see where it was coming from. Remus gulped, as Sirius pulled him to his feet, and they both took a deep breath, preparing themselves to sing.

"_Well it's true that we love one another_" they both sang, Sirius' deeper rock star voice harmonising with Remus' sweeter, more poppy voice. Remus managed a smile as he sang  
"_I love Sirius Black like a little brother…_" Sirius grabbed Remus' hands and sang  
"_Well Remus I love you too but there's just so much that I don't know about you…_"

The Gryffindor table was going nuts, and even the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables were cheering. Remus didn't feel scared anymore, he placed a hand on Sirius' chest, and sang in a pleading voice  
"_Sirius_,_ give me some money to pay my bills…_"

Sirius shook off Remus' hand, turning his back, and sang firmly_  
"All the dough I give you Remus, you been using on pain pills…"_

Several people laughed, and a few were screaming. Including Peter. Professor McGonagall looked like she was about to stand up to lecture them, but Dumbledore motioned for her to sit back down again. Remus grabbed Sirius' arm, twisting him round so they were almost nose to nose. Sirius shivered, as Remus sang_  
_"_Sirius will you call me if you're able?_"

Sirius grinned cheekily, as he sang_  
_"_I got your phone number written in the back of my bible…_"

There were more titters from the crowd as they tried to imagine Sirius with a bible. A few looked confused as to exactly what a "phone number" was, but still swayed in time to the music._  
_"_Sirius I think you're making false claims…" _Remus sang, looking sulky. He vaguely wondered if those were the actual words… maybe James had changed them to fit._  
_"_And I think maybe I better ask James…_" he added, turning to James, who was still sitting down, playing his guitar._  
_"_James do you think Sirius really loves me?_" Remus asked, biting his lip and looking pensive. James shrugged, indifferently._  
_"_You know, I don't care because Sirius really bugs me…_" he sang. A few people giggled. Lily was looking at James with an unusually soppy look on her face, as he added_  
_"_Why don't you ask him now?_"

Remus looked confused, and sang_  
_"_Well I would James, I really just don't know how…_"

James sighed and rolled his eyes._  
_"_Just say 'Sirius , do you adore me?'_"_  
_"_Well I would Remus, but love really bores me…_" Sirius sang, and Remus looked crushed._  
_"_Well maybe we should just be friends_…" they both sang, and most of the room held its breath, even the ones who came from muggle families and knew what came next. Snape was trying to talk to a Slytherin next to him, but she too was staring at the singing couple. Sirius grinned, putting out a hand to brush Remus' hair out of his eyes._  
_"_I'm just kidding Remus… you know that I'll love you 'til the end…_"

"_Well it's true that we love one another…_" they sang again, and Remus' eyes were dancing as he sang_  
_"_I love Sirius Black like a little brother_"

Sirius looked Remus straight in the face as he replied_  
"Well Remus I love you too but there's just so much that I don't know about you…"_

Sirius grabbed Remus around the waist and lifted him in the air, as he sang_  
"Remus give me some of your English lovin'…"_

He set Remus down, who looked contemptuously at him, and answered_  
"If I did that Sirius I'd have one in the oven…"_

Sirius glanced at McGonagall, who he could tell was itching to give them all detention.

"_Why don't you go off and just love yourself?" _Remus sang, walking in a slow circle around Sirius, who smiled inanely, and replied_  
"If I did that Remus there won't be anything left for anybody else…"_

Remus scowled, and gave Sirius a small shove, singing_  
"Sirius it's too bad about the way you look…"_

Sirius face darkened, and he snapped_  
"You know I gave that horse a carrot so he'd break your foot…"_

Remus snarled menacingly, and they stared at each other as if they were really having an argument. James marvelled at their acting skills, as he sang_  
"Will the two of you cut it out, and tell 'em what it's really all about"_

Sirius and Remus looked at him, and then sang_  
"Well it's true that we love one another"_

Remus grinned as he sang for the last time_  
"I love Sirius Black like a little brother…"  
"Well Remus I love you too but there's just so much that I don't know about you…"_

As the voices and guitar notes faded away, the room exploded with cheers and applause.

"Don't know what you were worried about." Sirius said breezily, flopping into his seat. Remus looked at the table.

"Oh, come on!" Sirius laughed "You enjoyed it! You had a big smile all the time."

"It's called _acting._" Remus panted

"Oh, I was talking about the smile in your eyes. Your eyes were all twinkly, like they are when you're happy, or excited, or high off chocolate…"

He poked Remus in the nose.

"It was okay… all right I liked it!" Remus admitted. "But…"

"OW!" shouted James, as Remus hit him rather hard in the head.

"You bastard James Potter! You never said we'd have to sing in the Great Hall, in front of _everybody_!"

"You never asked!" James grumbled, rubbing his head.

"You were all great!" Peter declared "Do it again!"


	5. Thursday

On Thursday morning, Sirius woke up to see that James and Remus were both fast asleep. He went to have a shower, and when he came back, James was awake and looking smug.

"What's up with you?" Sirius asked, using his wand to dry his wet hair.

"Oh, just today's task. Genius, if I do say so myself."

"You? Genius?" Remus snorted, looping his tie around his neck. Sirius grabbed his own tie off the floor under the bed, and shook dust off it. James stuck his finger up at Remus, and then continued grinning manically.

"Now that is scary." Sirius commented. "I might have to hide under the bed or something."

"Like you did when you saw that spider." Remus said. Sirius glowered, as James did an impression of Sirius screaming and running from the spider.

"I don't scream like that!" Sirius argued, "I have a sexy scream."

Both Remus and James cracked up, and Sirius glared at them.

"I do! And I wasn't scared of the spider… I was pretending."

"Ohh… Remus! Save me! It's a spider!" Remus squealed, and Sirius growled, shoving Remus on the floor and sitting on him.

"Bite me." Remus snarled, without a hint of irony. Sirius grinned, and bit Remus' neck. Remus yelped and struggled, trying to hit Sirius. Sirius laughed evilly, and ruffled Remus' hair.

"Poor wolfie…" he cooed. Remus frowned, snapping his teeth at Sirius, utterly helpless.

"Okay, break it up!" James said, yanking Sirius up.

"Way to ruin the moment, J-Man!" Sirius joked, pulling Remus to his feet.

"Yeah well, there are more important things to talk about. Namely today's marvellous task, courtesy of moi."

Sirius, who had been daydreaming about the soft velvety feeling of Remus' neck when he bit him, came out of his reverie to listen. James seized Sirius' left arm and Remus' right arm, and held them together. With his other hand, he waved his wand, causing a thin golden stream to fly out of his wand, encasing Sirius and Remus' wrists in a pair of manacles.

"Oh, so very original." Remus said sardonically. James grinned proudly.

"It is time you two learned the burdens and responsibilities of love, and the importance of looking out for each other as well as yourselves."

"Understand the sentiment and all, Prongs. But how's Remus supposed to write? In case you hadn't noticed, we're both right handed."

James beamed pompously again, and showed them how the chain connecting the two cuffs could stretch up to almost a metre in length.

"Remus may find it a little difficult, but that is all part of the task. Anyway, he has the neatest handwriting out of the two of you."

"Bravo." Remus said wryly. He rubbed his neck with his left hand. It hadn't hurt of course, but it was sort of tingling. Sirius noticed, and smirked.

"You are now a Siriuswolf! Half werewolf, half Moony, half Sirius!"

"And that makes sense how?"

"You are my slave! From now on, you shall be known as… Remius! Or… Sirus! Or… Moonfoot!"

James sniggered.

"Come on, it's Herbology first."

"Come, Moonfoot!" Sirius said imperiously, tugging on the handcuffs. Remus followed, sighing

"It's going to be a long day…"

The first few lessons past without any problems. People gave them a few funny looks as they attempted to chop up rat spleens in Potions whilst chained together, but nobody mentioned it until Transfiguration.

"Mr Black, Mr Lupin, what _are_ you doing?" McGonagall demanded, gesturing to the golden manacles.

"Charity fundraising!" Sirius lied smoothly. "Um… Save the Scottish… Hippogriff… Foundation."

Professor McGonagall looked disbelieving as Remus and James nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, yeah, very worthy cause…" James nodded.

"Care to donate, Professor?" Sirius asked hopefully. She raised an eyebrow.

"Don't push it, Black. I let you off that performance last night, but any pranks in my lesson, and…"

Sirius and James put on their most innocent faces, and she swept off.

"Phew, that was a close one!" James grinned.

"Well I suppose this is better than those awful badges." Remus muttered.

They were walking along the corridor after dinner, when Sirius was struck with inspiration.

"Look, its Snape!" he hissed. "Stand there, Moonfoot!"

"Don't call me that!" Remus growled, standing where Sirius had indicated. Sirius pushed Remus down so he was crouching, and then backed away, so he was crouching facing Remus a meter away. Snape was walking along the corridor, his head buried in a Defence Against the Dark Arts text book. He tripped over the golden chain that Sirius had stretched across the corridor, and sprawled on his face. James laughed, and gave Sirius a high five, while Snape got up, his greasy hair in his eyes, and a red tinge in his sallow cheeks.

"Not funny!" he snapped, drawing his wand. Remus, James and Sirius pulled out theirs. Snape's eyes darted between them, and then stuck his hand back in his robes, scowling.

"Three against one… very chivalrous. Right little Gryffindors, aren't you?" he sneered, sloping off. Peter came panting around the corner.

"Hey, it's Snape! Can we prank him?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks, and turned away quickly before they burst out laughing. James patted Peter on the head with a grin.

"Run along and play, Wormtail."

"Can we go to the library now?" Remus asked, tugging Sirius' arm.

"You go." James yawned.

"No, Prongs!" Sirius said quickly. "That means I have to go too!"

"Exactly." James sniggered. "Have fun now."

"Noooooo!" Sirius howled, as Remus attempted to drag him off to the library. "Anything but the library! I'm allergic! I'll break out in boils!"

"We are _going _to the _library_!" Remus insisted.

"Bad Moonfoot! Bad!"

"_Don't_ call me Moonfoot!" Remus said through gritted teeth, straining at the chain. Sirius growled, pulling in the other direction and digging his heels into the floor.

"Walkies, Siri!" Remus said, tugging on the chain. Sirius barked, but still refused to comply. Remus sighed, and stopped pulling. Sirius was still straining against the cuffs, so he ended up on the floor. A split second late, Remus realised they were attached.

"Not good," he had time to say, before he was pulled down on the ground as well. He heard a groan, and realised he had landed on top of Sirius.

"Sorry!" he said quickly, sitting up.

"No big." Sirius said slowly, rubbing his ribs.

"This is like this morning, only the positions are switched." Remus said, with somewhat of an evil smile.

"Oh dear Merlin, help me James!" Sirius squealed.

"I'm not going to rape you or anything." Remus said, with a very unRemus-like smirk. Sirius blinked.

"Obviously, or I wouldn't be struggling." he grinned. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway, you are coming to the library with me. Or else." he said, with a threatening glare.

"Or else…?" Sirius asked. Remus paused.

"Uh… I'll… tell everybody that you still suck your thumb at night."

Sirius gasped.

"You wouldn't…"

Remus grinned, his eyes slits of guile.

"I'll do it." Sirius said quickly.

"I just thought you might."

Sighing and dragging his feet, Sirius followed Remus to the library. Then he realised that he was going to be alone with Remus again, and cheered up considerably. Remus pulled him to a table, and started to do his Charms homework. Sirius yawned loudly and obviously, and started humming a song from Avenue Q. He started making paper aeroplanes and making them soar around the ceiling. Madame Pince glared at him, but he just flashed her a smile and leaned back in his chair, putting his feet on the table.

"You'll get us thrown out!" Remus hissed. Sirius looked delighted, and Remus shook his head in frustration, turning back to his Charms essay. Sirius grinned. It was fun to wind Remus up.

"Why don't you read or something?" Remus suggested, as Sirius yawned again.

"What, a textbook?" Sirius snorted. "Give me a break."

Remus sighed, delving into his bag and producing a copy of "The Catcher in the Rye."

"Here. Now let me concentrate."

Sirius looked at the book suspiciously. He opened it, and began to read. About half an hour later, Remus had finished his essay. He looked over at Sirius, and was amused to see him completely absorbed in the book, his tongue between his teeth.

"You want to go?" he asked. A flicker of disappointment passed across Sirius' face before he agreed.

"You can borrow that book if you want." Remus offered. Sirius tried to shrug indifferently, but he had marked his place and put the book in his bag before you could say Venomous Tantacula. Remus looked at him triumphantly.

"You like that book, don't you?"

"No!" Sirius said quickly.

"Aw, there's nothing wrong with giving in to your intellectual side." Remus teased.

"Okay, you've converted me." Sirius said, with a grin. "But I still don't like the library."

"What's wrong with the library?"

"It smells of old people." Sirius said, and Remus snorted. Madam Pince glared over at them. Sirius waved at her, with a cheeky smile, and Remus muttered

"I do not know you. I have never seen you before in my life."

Sirius pouted. Then he looked at his watch, and stood up, pulling Remus with him.

"Come on; let's go back to the common room. It's nearly nine."

Remus gasped.

"You survived for hours in the library and not a single boil. I suspect that you may have been lying about that."

Sirius looked indignant.

"I most certainly was not! It's a dangerous disease; Librariousscariousboilous."

"Idiot!" Remus said fondly. When they got back to the common room, Peter and James were playing chess and Lily was reading.

"Guess what?" Remus asked, sitting down in an armchair. Sirius sat on the arm, unable to get one himself due to the large gaps between chairs. Peter looked up, his mouth open.

"What??" he asked urgently.

"Sirius read a book." Remus said. James and Lily gasped dramatically, and Peter just looked confused. Sirius glowered, sticking his bottom lip out petulantly.

"Just because I was so bored." he said.

"Sure…" James said infuriatingly. "I'm surprised at you, Sirius. You've betrayed me. Reading a book."

James then noticed the copy of Gone with the Wind in Lily's hand, and said quickly.

"Not that books are bad or anything, in fact I think books are… good." he finished lamely. Everybody laughed, including Lily.

"So shallow…" Sirius tutted and James threw a punch at him, grinning shamefacedly. Lily smiled impishly.

"You know that I would never go out with a Quidditch player…"

James looked at her in horror, and then the whole group cracked up.

"James, this girl is officially one of the Marauders." Sirius choked. James grinned proudly, as Lily giggled.

"Only joking, Jamie, I'm going out with you, aren't I?" she teased. James whooped, standing on the table and punching the air. He sat down quickly.

"Sorry, I still haven't got over that."

Sirius sniggered, and James hit him around the face. A few minutes later, Lily excused herself, kissed James, and went up to bed. The Marauders played two on two chess for a while (James and Peter Vs Remus and Sirius), and then Peter decided to go to bed as well.

"Aw no! Don't abandon me!" James called after him, as Remus and Sirius moved their knight in for the attack.

"Aha! Die!" Sirius whooped as James' king surrendered. Sirius gave Remus a high five and a hug, and laughed excitedly at James, who had put his head in his hands.

"The humiliation! Beaten by a werewolf and a… Sirius!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius said indignantly. James got up, clearing the chess pieces away and stretching.

"Night guys, I'm going to bed." he yawned.

"Wait a minute!" Remus shouted "You have to take these bloody handcuffs off first!"

James grinned delightedly.

"Did I say I would take them off before morning? I don't think I did…"

He practically skipped with glee as he ran up to the dormitory. Remus and Sirius stared at each other in dismay.

"The conniving bastard!" Sirius breathed.

So that had been James' plan; to get Sirius and Remus to sleep in the same bed. Sirius shivered with joy at the thought, but pretended that he was as horrified as Remus. Remus was now pointing his wand at the gold chain linking them, muttering under his breath.

"It won't break!" he sighed, stuffing his wand back in his pocket.

"Well… I guess we could always stay up all night. If you're worried about the rumours or anything…"

They sat in the common room for a while, Sirius reading the book Remus had lent him.

"Don't tell James!" he warned in answer to Remus' sly smile. Remus yawned, lying back in his chair. He wanted to go to bed.

"You want to go to the dormitory?" he asked. Sirius shrugged, and they went upstairs. Remus stared at the comfortable four poster he could be sleeping in right now.

"Oh, bugger the rumours." he said suddenly. "Just take your clothes off and let's go to bed."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and Remus said quickly

"It really wasn't meant to sound like that."

"Sure it wasn't," Sirius said, trying to hide a smile. "But I'm afraid your plan has a flaw."

"What?" Remus asked, stretching, and getting up.

"We are chained together. It is impossible to get our shirts off." Sirius explained, pulling his tie off and showing Remus how they wouldn't be able to pull the sleeves over their arms with the chain in the way. Remus swore, and then pulled his wand out. He pointed it at Sirius, and closed his eyes, concentrating. Sirius looked at him, nervous.

"Uh, Remus?" What are you…?"

Remus gave his wand a sharp flick, and a warm wave of air rushed over Sirius. He opened one eye and looked down at his bare chest.

"Wow! I love that spell! Teach me!" he clamoured, as Remus waved his wand and Sirius' shirt and trousers swooped and folded, landing in a pile.

"You know, you only had to take my shirt off." he said "I can take my own trousers off."

Remus shrugged, blushing.

"Not that I'm complaining!" Sirius said quickly. "Here, shall I do you?"

"No!" Remus said, a little too quickly. "I mean… I don't think I'm comfortable with you knowing this spell."

"Aw, don't you trust me?"

"… No."

"Fair enough," Sirius shrugged, as Remus used the same spell on himself. Sirius gave an involuntary twitch as Remus stood in front of him, wearing only his boxers.

"Can this spell put your clothes back on you?" Sirius enquired, thinking of the next morning. He hoped that James would release them when that time came, but he had underestimated his crafty friend before. Remus shook his head.

"No, it's only for taking clothes off."

Remus was looking shifty, and Sirius wondered why his friend had learned that spell in the first place. The awful thought came to him that he might have used it before, on girls…

As if he had read Sirius' thoughts, Remus said slowly

"That's the first time I ever used that spell. James taught it to me a few weeks ago. He said it might come in useful."

Sirius let out a low sigh of relief, and then changed it quickly into a yawn. Then another thought struck him, and he could tell by the look on Remus' face that he was thinking exactly the same.

"No?! EW! TMI!" Sirius groaned, as Remus mimed retching.

"He wouldn't… he hasn't…"

Both boys shuddered at the thought of James using this spell on Lily.

"Unwanted mental image!" Remus whimpered, and Sirius patted him on the back sympathetically. James stirred in his bed, and they fell silent.

"Yeah _Remus _don't wake the whole castle!" Sirius said playfully. "People are trying to sleep."

"You can talk, Sirius!"

"Remus!"

"Sirius!"

"Remus!"

"Sirius."

"Remus."

They stared at each other, and Remus' eyes travelled over Sirius' toned chest and stomach. He realised that he had just undressed Sirius with his wand, and felt his cheeks go red. Sirius, meanwhile, hadn't noticed; as he was too busy staring at a small scar just above Remus' navel.

"What's that?" he asked.

"From when I scratched myself once, in lupine form." Remus said softly. He flinched as Sirius traced the red crescent with the tip of his finger.

"Sorry." Sirius said, drawing his hand away.

"It's not that." Remus smiled. "It just tickles."

Sirius laughed, but it wasn't his usual bark. It was soft and soulful. Remus gave Sirius a small half smile. Then he yawned widely, showing his white teeth. Sirius laughed again.

"Come on Mister, I think it's time we got you to bed."

So once again they found themselves in Sirius' bed. Remus yawned again, sleepily, and snuggled closer to Sirius under the covers. Sirius wondered if it was intentional, or whether Remus was too sleepy to know what he was doing.

"Night, Siri…" Remus said.

"Night night." Sirius smiled, looking at Remus's peaceful face and feeling a rush of love. He closed his eyes, and went to sleep.


	6. Friday

The next morning, Remus awoke first and then that Sirius was asleep on his chest. He looked down at the Animagus, who was breathing slowly and evenly. Remus felt a rush of heat spread through him as he realised that their legs were intertwined, and there was an awful lot of Sirius' bare flesh in contact with his. He told himself firmly that it was all perfectly innocent; they were both wearing sufficient clothing, and it wasn't as if they had done anything.

Just then, Sirius let out a sleepy grunt and rubbed his cheek against Remus' skin. Remus moaned softly as Sirius squirmed on top of him, their hips grinding together. Sirius lay still again, muttering to himself in his sleep. Remus was trapped under a sleeping Sirius. He lifted his arm, and, to his delight, saw the remains of a gold shackle slowly melting away. He gave Sirius a gentle push. This only resulted in Sirius whining in his sleep and wrapping his arms around Remus' neck. Remus swallowed. He had two options. Either he could wake Sirius up and insist he moved off, or he could allow Sirius to continue using him as a teddy bear. Remus decided on the second option. He told himself firmly that it would be unfair to wake Sirius up while he looked so peaceful and asleep. That was of course his only reason. He had no ulterior motive whatsoever. Although it did feel very nice… but maybe it would be wise to make his escape so that they could be up before anybody else woke. Such as Peter.

Remus carefully unhooked Sirius' arms from around his neck, and slid backwards. He managed to disentangle their legs, and gently extracted himself. He slithered sideways off the bed, and landed with a quiet thud on the floor. He grabbed his clothes, and put them on. Luckily they had gone to Sirius' bed, so Sirius still being there didn't cause any problems. Remus looked fondly down at his friend, who was now curled in the foetal position, his thumb firmly between his teeth. Sirius looked positively adorable when he was asleep. Sirius was now stretching, curling his hands into fists and yawning.

"Cute." Remus mumbled, putting his tie on. Suddenly, James sat up, and swore loudly.

"Remus, you were meant to sleep with Sirius!"

"I did." Remus said smugly "But I happened to wake up before the parasites did, to avoid trouble."

James sighed.

"But how did you get rid of the manacles?" he persisted. Remus blinked.

"They just kind of melted away."

James looked delighted.

"Why?" Remus asked sharply. James grinned broadly.

"Nothing… just how I enchanted them… certain feelings… to get them off…"

"What?" Remus asked in confusion. James winked, and sauntered off to the bathroom, leaving Remus sitting on his bed, utterly perplexed. By the time Sirius woke up, it was almost time for breakfast. James ordered them to gather on Sirius' bed for the day's instructions.

"Another pointless task to humiliate us?" Remus asked. James looked offended.

"All my tasks have a point; they are tests of character. And this one is in no way humiliating, but may be your hardest yet."

"Go on…"

"Today you must learn to live without each other. You must go until nine o clock tonight without speaking a word to each other. You cannot communicate through expressions, writing notes to each other, or getting somebody else to pass on a message. Basically, you must act as if you have just had a major fall out. Or as if the other does not exist at all. Understand?"

They both nodded slowly.

"And when does this start?"

"I'll give you a minute first." James said. "I need a shower."

"We know." Sirius and Remus said in unison. James swore at them, grinning, and grabbed his towel.

"Okay, so we can't talk to each other for a day?" Sirius said slowly. Remus nodded, and they looked at each other. Suddenly they couldn't think of anything to say to each other.

"Uh… so…" Remus said, grabbing his copy of _A Standard Book of Spells Grade Seven _and stuffing it into his bag. Sirius yawned, watching Remus comb his hair.

"I like your hair." he said suddenly. "It's a really nice colour, and all soft. Like a puppy."

"Uh, thanks." Remus said. "But yours is nicer. I hate my hair."

"Why??" Sirius asked, reaching out and touching Remus' light brown locks. "It's so cute and fluffy and wow that's hot."

Remus looked at Sirius, who was completely absorbed in examining the top of his head.

"No fleas." Sirius announced, and Remus laughed.

"I don't have fleas, Padfoot. That was you."

"Do not! I washed in special shampoo potion and they all went away."

"Correct, I washed you in special shampoo, and you struggled and shook and soaked me. Remember?"

"I forget the details." Sirius grinned "Anyway, the potion stung! Made my fur all itchy."

"Well, it got rid of the fleas at least."

Sirius shrugged, lounging casually on his bed. His tie was stuffed in his trouser pocket, and the top three buttons on his shirt were undone. Remus stared at the exposed skin, feeling an urge to bite it. Sirius was looking at him again, and Remus had the uncomfortable thought that perhaps Sirius knew exactly what he was thinking. Sirius watched Remus, his fathomless grey eyes unblinking and piercing. Remus was now looking back at him, his chocolate brown eyes shining in the morning sun. Sirius licked his lips unconsciously. Then a sudden noise made them both jump. James was standing behind them, his black hair even more tousled than usual. He pushed his glasses on, and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, no more talking or interaction. Thank you."

Remus had thought that this task would be easy. How very wrong he was. He had never really appreciated how much of the day Sirius occupied. Talking to Sirius, laughing at his jokes… now he had to content himself with looking at Sirius. He looked at the ceiling of the Potions class, and sighed. Lessons had suddenly become extremely boring. He now knew that it was Sirius that made him enjoy school so much. He had James, who was funny and smart, but he wasn't Sirius. To see Sirius in front of him, but unable to talk to him… it was infuriating. Sirius was feeling the same.

"James, say something Remus-ish." he ordered. James grinned.

"Sorry, against the rules."

Sirius sulked, trying to think of something Remus would say. At lunch, he didn't bother smothering his cheese burger in ketchup. There wasn't any point since the only reason he did it was so Remus could chastise him. Remus was watching Sirius eat his burger, and missed reprimanding Sirius for his disgusting eating habits. Scowling moodily, he squirted ketchup all over his burger, until there looked to be more red sauce than meat. He would have to amuse himself by doing the things Sirius usually did. Sirius looking at Remus taking a bite from his burger, and grinned. Then he realised that this was against the rules, and turned away quickly before James noticed. Remus sighed, putting his food down and looking morosely at it. James had been telling everybody that he and Sirius were having a "lovers' tiff," which had gained Remus a lot of sympathetic looks and reassurances from concerned girls (and Peter.)

"I'm sure you guys will work it out," Alice, a seventh year Gryffindor who sometimes hung around with Lily, insisted. Remus nodded. Of course, they hadn't _really _had a fight. But since they couldn't speak to each other, it kind of felt like they had. Remus thought about the last time he and Sirius had fought. That had been because Sirius had told Snape how to get into the Willow. They had basically had a huge row that almost blew the top off the school, and then Sirius started crying. Really crying, with tears and howling, and clinging. Remus had ended up hugging him for half the night while he sobbed his heart out, and they had been fine the next day.

Sirius took a swig of pumpkin juice, and glanced at Remus. Sirius too was having a flashback. He remembered the time after a Quidditch match when the Marauders had been playing dares in the common room. James had stolen some food from the kitchen, and Sirius made a sandwich for Remus to eat. It was brown sauce, ketchup, mayonnaise, crisps, chips, sugar, salt, pepper, peanut butter, olives, pickled onions, cheese, and grated carrot. With sprinkles. Remus took one bite and almost threw up on the common room floor. But he had persevered, and ate the whole thing. Sirius wondered why he remembered this now. Perhaps because of the food surrounding them?

Remus looked at his watch. Eight hours to go, and he would be able to talk to Sirius. Just eight hours… 480 minutes. Each minute seemed to be going much slower than usual. He turned to talk to Lily to pass the time. She started jabbering away about some homework, or teacher, or something. Remus looked over at Sirius, who was roaring with laughter at something James had just said. Remus smiled mordantly. Sirius was clearly having lots of fun without him. If Remus was to leave school altogether, would Sirius actually miss him that much?

"… and so… Remus? Hello?"

Lily snapped her fingers in front of his face. Remus turned away from Sirius.

"Sorry Lily, I was just…"

Lily smiled understandingly.

"You miss him. Don't worry about it though, he'll come around. Do you want me to have a word?"

"No." Remus said "Its fine. I just…"

He hesitated. Would it be okay to talk about his feelings with somebody who thought he already loved Sirius?

"It just feels weird, not being around him. That's all." he said, in a low voice. Lily nodded.

"Let me guess, you suddenly remember every little thing about him that you miss, even those that you never noticed before? Everything seems so pointless without him?"

Remus blinked. That sounded _exactly_ how he was feeling.

"Yeah!" he said in surprise.

"That's how I feel if I have a fight with James." Lily confided "All empty and lonely."

Remus swallowed. But this feeling was completely different… wasn't it?

"Don't tell Sirius." he said. Lily smiled encouragingly.

"I'm sure he misses you just as much as you miss him."

_Yeah right_, Remus thought dryly.

That evening, Sirius counted silently down to nine o'clock. Today had been the most tedious day of his life. Sure, he got a lot of thinking done, but even messing around with James had lost its charm. He felt so… empty and lonely. Without Remus. And he wanted him back. He felt sort of pathetic; after all, it had been less than a day. He checked his watch for about the fifth time that evening. Five minutes to go, and then he would be free to talk to Remus again. He yawned, and looked over to where Remus was chatting to Lily and some of her girly friends. Bastard was clearly having the time of his life without Sirius.

Remus checked the time, and his heart leapt. One minute to go! He smiled at Lily, and tried to concentrate on what she was saying, but his head was full of something else. "Uh… excuse me for a moment." he said, and without a backwards look at the girls, he crossed the room towards where James and Sirius were sitting. At the same time, Sirius got to his feet, and strode towards Remus. 10 seconds to go, and Sirius and Remus met in the middle of the room. As James called out

"Nine O'clock, everybody,"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other.

"I..." Remus started

"You…" Sirius said, at the same time. Then identical smiles spread across their faces.

"Missed you." Sirius said quietly, so that only Remus could hear. Remus grinned, and hugged Sirius tightly. Sirius lifted Remus and spun him around in the air. Remus laughed, looking into Sirius' stormy grey eyes hungrily.

"Awwwww…" cooed the girls, and James grinned to himself, as he watched Sirius and Remus sit down and start to talk.

"Have fun today?" Remus was asking. Sirius shrugged casually.

"Yeah… yeah it was fun…"

Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius grinned.

"Okay, it was crap. Yours?"

"Likewise." Remus smiled.

**Hi! Thanks again to everybody who had reviewed. I'm sorry that I've been dragging out Sirius and Remus' relationship, and that they haven't even kissed yet. Don't hurt me! I promise that something will happen in the next chapter; I just wanted them to explore their feelings a bit first... Please keep reading, love you all! **


	7. Saturday

Sirius was woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, high pitched wailing.

"What is that bloody noise?" he moaned, staring around for the source of the commotion. Remus was also staring around blearily, and amazingly, nobody else seemed to be awake. James' bed was empty, and Sirius wondered if he had also gone in search of the noise. Remus was getting out of bed, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"It's four in the morning!" he groaned, looking around for something to put on over his thin t-shirt. Sirius handed him a black jumper of his own, which Remus pulled on gratefully. Cautiously, they crept down to the common room. James sat on an armchair, holding something in his arms.

"Ah, you're here!" he beamed.

"Yeah, since somebody set off a bloody siren!" Sirius grumbled, yawning.

"Don't talk about your child like that!" James said, with a grin.

"What???" Remus and Sirius said in unison. James turned to face them. Nestled in his arms was what looked like a plastic baby doll.

"You are kidding." Sirius said, as James handed him the doll. "What am I meant to do with this?"

"Feed him, change him, play with him…" James said. "Keep him happy and entertained."

"It's… a… doll." Sirius said slowly, holding the toy at arms length, as if it would bite him.

"Well spotted." James said snidely. "But yours truly has used his brains, expertise, and extensive magical powers to transform this doll into… not just a doll…"

Remus groaned

"It was the doll that was making the noise, right?"

"Yep." James said proudly. "He's sleeping now."

"Sleeping?" Sirius said incredulously. "And we have to feed it? Play with it?"

"Just imagine him as your first born child. Now I'm off to catch some beauty sleep. Toodles."

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. Sirius collapsed into an armchair, almost squashing their "child." Remus sank into a chair opposite. Sirius stared at the doll. His plastic eyes were shut, and he looked so… inanimate. That didn't last long. The eyelids snapped open, and the tiny rosebud mouth gaped wide, emitting an ear splitting shriek.

"Silencio!" Sirius shouted automatically. It didn't work. If anything, the screaming got louder.

"Uh… Merlin…" he muttered "Uh… shh, shhh!"

He rocked the doll, murmuring comfort to it under his breath. The cries became quieter, and eventually stopped.

"Phew." Sirius said "I'm never having kids."

Remus looked at him cradling the doll in his arms, and smiled.

"You'd make a great father." he said, and Sirius looked as if Remus had suggested that he would make a great cheese grater.

"As if!" he snorted "I'd probably Stun it and lock it in the airing cupboard."

Remus laughed.

"So what shall we call our bundle of joy?"

Sirius grinned wickedly.

"How about…"

"If you say Moonfoot, I shall hex you." Remus interrupted. Sirius' face fell.

"Okay, how about Fido?"

"This isn't a dog."

"All right, Mr Picky. How about… Remus Junior?"

"How about Sirius Junior? I can see the resemblance…"

"Gee, thanks." Sirius snarled. Remus grinned, and then yawned widely. A few minutes later, he was fast asleep. Sirius looked fondly at him.

"Muffliato!" he muttered. The spell they had copied off Snape should make sure that if the baby cried again, Remus wouldn't be woken.

When Remus finally woke up, Sirius was holding the doll in his arms, and conjuring tiny smoke animals. Remus frowned, waving his wand to expel the buzzing in his ears. The doll was making laughing noises, and Sirius was grinning.

"You're awake!" he said, waving his wand and making the animals disappear. Remus yawned, blinking sleepily. He sat up in the armchair he had fallen asleep on, moving his head slowly from side to side.

"Yeah, it makes your neck ache, going to sleep like that." Sirius told him.

"Well done, I couldn't have guessed." Remus retorted. "And as for you, Mr "I'm never having kids…""

"Well, I'm not!" Sirius said. "But the kid… I mean _doll _started crying, and I had to make it stop, didn't I?"

"Sure…" Remus said. Sirius stuck his tongue out, and looked down at the doll.

"You want to hold it?"

"I think I'll pass." Remus said hurriedly. Sirius smirked, and rocked the doll in his arms.

"… yeah, he has your eyes, Moony."

"Uh… what? Since when are my eyes blue and made of plastic?"

Sirius sniffed.

"Well, I had to use a bit of artistic licence…"

"I.e. flat out lying…"

"That's harsh…"

Sirius looked at Remus, his head on one side, and his eyes glittering like grey diamonds. Remus stared at him, feeling himself drawn into those eyes. Sirius looked back, and for a moment, it was as if they were in their own little bubble, separate from NEWTs and James Potter's pranks… and angsty feelings for friends…

Then a scream rent the air, and the bubble burst. The moment had gone. Sirius looked quickly down at the doll in his arms. He tried to subdue it, but the doll continued to cry.

"Uh… Remus? What do I do?"

Remus looked helplessly at the howling doll.

"Um… feed it?"

"With what??" Sirius asked, looking around as if he expected to find a box of baby food floating above him. Remus sighed.

"Wait there." he ordered, and sprinted out of the room.

"Thanks a lot!" Sirius shouted after him. He stared at the doll, wiling it to be quiet. Remus dashed back into the room, clutching a baby bottle brimming with white liquid.

"Where…?" Sirius asked weakly, as Remus shoved the end of the bottle into the doll's mouth.

"Kitchens. House elves." Remus said shortly.

To their relief, the noise stopped.

"What happens to the milk?" Sirius asked interestedly. Remus shrugged, sitting back down. Sirius suddenly started laughing.

"What?"

"I just thought…" Sirius sniggered "How funny you would look racing down the corridors in your underwear and my jumper."

Remus blushed, looking down at his unusual attire.

"Well, being eight in the morning, I didn't meet anybody while on my trek to the kitchens. In my underwear and your sweater."

Remus looked down at the black wool garment. It was too big for him; Sirius was not only taller, but he had muscles, which Remus did not. He felt absurdly childlike, like a five year old wearing his father's football shirt.

Sirius smiled. He felt a strange sense of ownership seeing Remus wearing his clothes. Of course, he would much prefer Remus to be wearing no clothes at all… but this would do as a consolation prize for the time being.

Remus had conjured a large cot, which they set the doll in. Then he snuggled down into the chair, rubbing his cheek against the soft wool of the sweater. The material reeked of Sirius. The smell of his aftershave, sweet apples and cinnamon, Fizzing Whizzbees, Butterbeer, and of course dog hair. It felt like he was wearing Sirius. Sirius eyed Remus suspiciously.

"Why are you sniffing my jumper?" he asked. Remus' head jerked away.

"I wasn't" he said stupidly.

"I don't have BO or anything do I?"

Remus laughed.

"If you did, would I really be wearing your clothes?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Maybe…. maybe sweat and grease turns you on?"

Remus snorted

"If that was the case, I would be into Snape."

Sirius roared with laughter.

"Good one… can I use that?"

"No." Remus said quickly. "Copyrighted."

Sirius pouted at him.

"Spoilsport. Ruining my fun."

"I merely care for your safety."

"I'm more than a match for Severus Snape." Sirius argued. Remus smiled.

"I don't doubt that. But he fights dirty."

"So do I!"

Remus shook his head.

"Not really persuading me here. You're grounded."

"You can't do that! That is like sooo unfair! I hate you!" Sirius said. Remus sniggered.

"You're such a stroppy teen."

Sirius looked proud, and Remus shook his head.

"You're a very bad influence on the child." he reproved.

Sirius looked delighted.

"Don't call me a bad influence, Remes. You know it'll go to my head."

"Oh, I give up." Remus laughed. Sirius smiled, and lay back on the chair. Remus looked at him in concern.

"If you want to go to sleep, I'll look after this thing."

He gestured at the motionless doll.

"Nah." Sirius yawned "I'm okay for now."

Just then, the doll began to cry again. Remus sighed heavily, and went over to it.

"Sirius, it won't drink its milk. I think it needs its nappy changing."" he called. Sirius looked panicky.

"Uh… going to sleep now."

"Come on, Sirius, I did the food."

Sirius let out a loud fake snore. Remus shook his head. He walked gingerly over to the doll, and looked at it.

"I can't do this!" he said. Sirius looked up.

"We-ell." he said slowly. "I suppose we could come to some kind of arrangement."

"Anything. I'll do anything." Remus pleaded. Sirius grinned.

"Well, seeing as we're such good friends."

Remus covered his eyes as Sirius started to change the baby.

"That is sick." Sirius commented, wrinkling his nose. "Evanesco!"

"Is it working?" Remus asked, peering from between his fingers.

"Uh… no. Scourgify!"

Sirius gulped. He reminded himself that Remus was now in his debt, and amused himself by imagining sordid things he could demand his friend to do, while he cleaned up after the doll.

"Is it done?" Remus asked. Sirius had bagged up the mess, and was finally able to Vanish it.

"Yeah, you can look now. That is the most disgusting thing… you will have to do some serious making up to me for this, Lupin."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. It was now nine o'clock, and people were starting to come down from the dormitories. They shot the two boys curious looks as they passed. Sirius gave a few of them a weak smile. Finally they were alone again.

"So, as for that payment…" Sirius said, sitting on the arm of Sirius' armchair. "You have to do my homework for the next week."

Remus reluctantly agreed.

"But you aren't really learning, are you?" he pressed. Sirius looked indifferent.

"No. Bothered?"

"Can't we think of a more… fulfilling way to use your temporary power over me?" Remus asked, his eyes glittering. Sirius' eyebrows shot up. Was Remus flirting with him? Only one way to find out.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked, leaning surreptitiously towards his friend. Remus looked up at him, his heart fluttering against his chest like a caged Occamy. He swallowed, as he stared into Sirius' face.

"You're the boss." he murmured. Just then, Peter clattered down the stairs, clutching his school bag. Sirius sprang backwards, and Remus suddenly became very interested in his fingernails.

"Hey guys…" Peter chirped. He stared at the cot. Then he looked at Sirius and Remus, who were both staring into space, purposely avoiding each others eyes. Peter shrugged, and toddled out of the room. Remus silently cursed himself. Merlin knows what would have happened if Peter hadn't interrupted. He could never let this kind of thing happen again, he would just lose his head again. And who knows what he would end up doing next time, probably kiss Sirius into next week. That would be a great idea… Sirius would hate him forever.

Sirius sighed. They had been so close. So… so close. But maybe it was better that they hadn't actually done anything. They had got swept up in the moment; Remus didn't _really _feel anything like that for him. Unfortunately.

"So, about this homework…" Remus said "Do you mean all of it? Every subject?"

Sirius put his head on one side, considering.

"Yeah, that should be about enough." he grinned. Remus sighed theatrically, and Sirius ruffled his hair. They heard more footsteps on the stairs, and James appeared.

"Okay, five minutes to get dressed. Chop chop, children!" he ordered, clicking his fingers. They scrambled up the stairs, and Sirius grabbed black skinny jeans and a black shirt. Remus pulled on his distressed blue jeans, and then hesitated. Sirius looked at him.

"You can keep my sweater on if you want."

Remus shrugged, pretending that he wasn't really bothered. Sirius grinned, and sauntered out of the room. Remus followed, trying not to look at Sirius' behind as they went back down the stairs to the common room. He gave Sirius' sweater a quick sniff before emerging from the stairwell. James was curled in an armchair, reading the Daily Prophet. He winked at them as they came in, and left, tossing the paper on his empty chair. Sirius grabbed it, and sat down, starting to do the crossword.

"Remus, what's a magical creature, eight letters, beginning with C? Clue is Monkey-Frog."

"Clabbert." Remus replied. He checked that the doll was tucked up and quiet in its cot, and then sat in an armchair next to Sirius.

"Crosswords are very _intellectual_, you know Sirius." he smirked. Sirius glared at him over the top of the paper.

"Well you could say that _chess _is intellectual," he replied. Remus blinked.

"I do say that."

"Damn." Sirius groaned, and Remus laughed. After finishing the crossword and lobbing the paper in the fire, Sirius strode to Remus' chair, and sat down on his knee.

"What, do you want a bed time story or something?" Remus asked.

"Not particularly." Sirius replied. He yawned, and rested his head on Remus' shoulder.

Remus shook his head in despair. Why must Sirius keep touching and feeling him in a touchy feely yet non sexual way? It wasn't fair. Well, he might as well enjoy the moments when they came. He stroked Sirius' head absently, and felt the soft silky black hair slide under his fingertips. Sirius nuzzled the smaller boy's shoulder, sighing. Just then, the doll began to cry once more, and Sirius got up to feed him.

"It's lunchtime." Remus grumbled "Is it time for food?"

"Yeah, I'm starving!" Sirius groaned, perching on the arm of Remus' chair again. "I'll have to eat you in a minute, Wolfboy."

He seized Remus and growled in hi ear. Remus giggled helplessly, hanging around his neck as Sirius barked and snapped his teeth at him.

But to their relief, a few minutes later, James came in with a stack of sandwiches, and then left.

"Hey James!" Sirius yelled after him. "I hate you!"

James sniggered, and gave them both a thumbs-up. Sirius grabbed a sandwich, and ripped it to pieces, gulping down. Remus took one as well, and they ate hungrily for a few minutes. The rest of the afternoon passed quite quickly. The doll was fed, played with, but luckily not changed again. James came in at half past five to see Sirius holding the doll and making faces at it, and Remus smiling at them both.

"Sorry kids, I'll have to take him away." James said. Sirius shoved the doll at him, and sat back quickly before James could change his mind.

"Fun day?" James asked.

"I am never…" Sirius started

"Having kids." ended Remus. James laughed.

"Okay guys, there's now only one more task to go. And tomorrow evening, you get to tell everybody the truth. Exactly how you feel about each other."

Sirius looked at his hands as James added

"You are doing very well so far; not a single person suspects that anything is amiss. Your acting skills are flawless."

He silently applauded them. Remus smiled slightly, and Sirius inclined his head.

"One more day, huh?" Sirius said in an undertone to Remus. Remus nodded, and pulled Sirius to his feet.

"Wanna grab some food before it's all gone?" he asked.

"Absolutely!" Sirius said, racing for the door like a puppy let off its leash. Remus shook his head, smiling. He followed Sirius out of the door.

That night, Remus lay in his four-poster, staring at the ceiling. He had no idea what time it was, maybe midnight. He looked around at the sleeping boys around him. Then he looked over at Sirius.

"_Lumos… Nox… Lumos… Nox…"_ his friend was muttering, watching his wand tip ignite and go out again. Remus propped his head up on one arm to watch Sirius' face illuminate and then fade back into black again and again. It reminded him of when Muggle children flicked cigarette lighters on and off. He supposed Sirius was having restless night as well. Suddenly Sirius noticed Remus' wide brown eyes peering at him.

"Sorry Remes! Did I wake you?" he said, pushing his wand into his trouser pocket and throwing it back under his bed. Remus shook his head, and then realised that Sirius couldn't see him through the dark.

"No…" he said. "No, I couldn't get to sleep."

"No, me neither." Sirius said, crossing his arms behind his head. "Just thinking about stuff."

"Yeah me too."

Remus suddenly pulled back the covers and went over to Sirius' bed. He climbed in. Sirius gave a small start when he felt Remus get in beside him, but slipped an arm around Remus' waist.

"So what's on your mind, Moon-man?" Sirius murmured, stroking Remus's hip with one finger. Remus felt heat rise through him. He was glad it was dark; his face was probably as red as a sunburnt tomato.

"Ah, if I told you that, I am afraid I would have to kill you." he replied. Sirius grinned, moved his hand down slightly. He heard a sharp intake of breath from beside him as Remus felt the fingers on his thigh. Sirius' smile widened as he found where Remus' boxers stopped and his skin started.

"So, what were you thinking about?" Remus asked. Sirius paused in his caressing of Remus' leg.

"Oh… just stuff." he said vaguely. He wrapped his other arm around the young werewolf, pulling him nearer. Remus closed his eyes with a deep sigh, and then put his arms around Sirius. He twisted slightly so that their faces were only centimetres apart. Sirius' breath was warm on his cheek, and Remus bit his bottom lip. Sirius moved his head closer, and whispered in Remus' ear

"You know, last time we were in bed together, we weren't wearing shirts…"

He could practically _hear _Remus' raised eyebrows.

"Is that a hint by any chance?" he asked in a voice silkier than velvet.

"Do you want it to be?" Sirius drawled.

_Yes._ Remus thought. He didn't answer. Was that _his_ hand on Sirius' chest? It couldn't be; he would never have dared… but if it wasn't his hand, then what was it doing attached to his arm? He tried clenching it, grabbing a handful of Sirius' vest. Yes, it was his hand all right.

"It's nearly the end of the week." he said at last, simply to break the silence.

"Yeah, guess so. We've done pretty great."

Remus traced a pattern on Sirius' chest with the tip of his finger.

"Yeah…" he said softly. Sirius had to clench his teeth to stop himself from moaning as Remus moved his hand over the soft cotton.  
Then Remus got up, wriggling out of Sirius' arms and sitting up.

"Where are you going??" Sirius asked, pouting.

"I'm a bit sleepy now, don't want to go to sleep in your bed again." he said. To be perfectly truthful, he didn't trust himself to stay.

"Okay, night Remus…" Sirius said. Remus swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He got up, and was about to walk over to his bed when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned, and was pulled sharply back towards Sirius. Sirius kissed him hard on the mouth, and then as if realising what he had done, pulled away and lay down. Remus swayed on the spot, staring into space. He got into bed, heart thudding.


	8. The End of the Week

After a restless night's sleep, Remus opened his eyes, yawning. The first thing he realised was that he was lying on the floor. The second was that he was not in the dormitory. He stood up quickly, and looked around. Sirius was lying on the scratched wooden floorboards a few feet away. They were, he now realised, in the Shrieking Shack.

"Sirius… Sirius!" he said, shaking his friend vigorously. Sirius blinked sleepily.

"What's going on?" he asked, sitting up.

"I don't know!"

"Must be James' last task…" Sirius said slowly, staring around. "What are we supposed to do?"

Remus spotted a note wedged in the frame of a broken mirror hanging on the wall. He tugged it out and read it aloud.

_Hey Guys!_

_Welcome to the Love Shack of Hogsmeade. Hope you enjoy your stay… leaving may prove a little tricky however. Still, you have plenty of time. Sit back, relax. Listen to your heart. Go with your instinct. Hope you enjoy our hospitality._

_Prongs_

_Ps. you may be in here for a while. I'm not going to let you out, just so you know. Hasta la Vista!_

"So… the task is to escape…?" Sirius said slowly. Remus shrugged, avoiding Sirius' eye.

"Yeah, guess so."

They walked out of the room they were in, and into the dark hallway. Somebody probably James, had chalked arrows down the walls. The door to the room containing the entrance to the tunnel back to Hogwarts was ajar. Remus pushed it open and gasped. The messy little room with its stained wallpaper and broken furniture was bathed in an ethereal amethyst glow. The passageway was sealed off with a glowing purple barrier. Sirius ran at it, attempting to break though, but fell onto his back. He shook his head, dazedly.

"You okay?" Remus asked, pulling Sirius up. Sirius studied Remus' face. Had he forgotten about last night? Had last night actually happened? Maybe Remus was trying to forget about it, but was completely disgusted? At least he hadn't punched him. Sirius still couldn't believe he had actually done it. It was like he had no control; he did not mean to do it. He was glad he had done, obviously. But had it ruined his relationship with Remus?

Remus walked towards the barrier.

"Reducto!"

Nothing happened. He waved his wand frantically, muttering all the incantations he could think of.

"Okay, we need to think about this logically." he said, putting his wand down on a table that had huge gouge marks in the surface. Sirius slouched against the peeling wallpaper.

"Uh…Remus?"

"… So I think… yeah?"

"Do you remember… what happened last night?"

Remus swallowed.

"Yeah."

"Remus, I'm sorry. It was all a huge mistake. I should never have done it; I took advantage of you, I mean, I wasn't thinking, it wasn't…"

Remus looked down at the grimy floor.

"So… you're sorry it happened?"

"Uh…"

Sirius scratched his head. No, he wasn't sorry that it happened.

"Well, it should never have happened…" he said.

"Okay."

"So you aren't mad?"

"Nope."

Sirius relaxed.

"Good."

Remus smiled, but inside, he was screaming. He had been sure that Sirius never meant it to happen, that it was all a mistake. But he had still hoped deep down, that there had been a deeper meaning. Clearly not.

"_Sit back, relax_?" he read off James' note. "I think that he means that we don't have to think hard about what we need to do to escape. _Listen to your heart… follow your instincts…_"

"That might mean that we already know what we need to do, we just need to… you know… look inside ourselves."

"Yeah, so it must be something quite obvious."

Remus sat cross legged, drawing diagrams with his finger in the dust. Sirius paced up and down.

"Try turning into Padfoot." Remus suggested. Sirius shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you if it is that, anyway."

"Well, maybe if you try it, the barrier will go down and we can both go through."

Sirius nodded, and the big black dog ran at the purple door. He bounced off and sprawled on the floor, paws akimbo.

"No… I don't think it's that…" he said, human again, wincing as he felt his sore shoulder. Remus frowned.

"Well, it could be a password." he said slowly, staring at the tunnel entrance. "Uh… Remus. Sirius. Marauders. Moony. Padfoot… oh wait, I said that before, it can't be that… uh… Prongs. James."

"Lily." Sirius suggested. Still nothing happened.

"James and Lily?" Remus asked.

"Snape is a loser."

"Quidditch."

"Snitch."

"Gryffindor."

About half an hour later, they had both tried nearly every word and phrase they could think of.

"Spider monkey." Sirius yawned, leaning on Remus.

"Discombobulating."

"Plastic grass."

"Fizzing Whizzbee."

"Butterbeer."

"Rune Dictionary."

"Oh come on Remus, James wouldn't have a book as the password."

"True."

Sirius sighed.

"Well, what can it be? Maybe it isn't a password."

Remus got his wand out and starting trying random spells.

"Maybe it's something to do with the Shack itself?" Sirius suggested.

"Well, we can't wait till full moon." Remus said with a grin.

"Hey, maybe we should shriek? It is the Shrieking Shack after all."

Sirius threw his head back and let out a piercing shriek. Remus winced, clutching his ears. Sirius peered at the purple barrier.

"Nope, still in one piece."

"Wish I could say the same for my eardrums." Remus moaned. "Ever thought of getting a job as a banshee?"

"I'm too beautiful for that kind of work."

Remus gave Sirius a small shove, smiling.

"Poser." he teased. Sirius laughed, flicking a tendril of hair out of his eyes.

"But not as beautiful as you, Remus." he said mischievously.

"You're making me blush!" Remus said with a smile.

"Good." Sirius said. Remus stared at him, and then got up.

"What are you doing?" Sirius called after him.

"Checking if there is any other way out!" Remus shouted back. He came back a few minutes later, shaking his head ruefully.

"Same glowy light on all the exits. We might as well concentrate on this one… not a good idea to go haring around Hogsmeade dressed like this."

He gestured at his vest and boxers. Sirius nodded his agreement, and patted the floor next to him.

"Come sit down. I need your brains to get us out of here, thank you very much."

Remus sat down beside him.

"Thanks," he yawned "But I think we're screwed. I can't think of anything."

Sirius threw his hands in the air.

"If Remus can't think of anything, then we're doomed."

"We are." Remus agreed. "So very doomed."

"Doomed to stay here for eternity, until we die, alone and unloved…"

"Stop being a drama queen. James will let us out eventually."

"No he won't!" Sirius said theatrically. He stabbed a finger at the post script on James' note. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Siri, James won't leave us here to starve. If we don't work out how to escape, he'll come get us."

"He won't! We'll die here…" Sirius wailed. He pretended to sob loudly into his hands.

"Doubt it. We may fail the task, though."

Sirius looked up.

"Well that's even worse than death!" he said. Remus laughed, squeezing his shoulder.

"Okay, help me figure it out then!"

They both looked at the note for the hundredth time. Remus stared at it so hard his eyes watered, searching for some hidden meaning. He rearranged the words, trying to make sense of James' cryptic message.

"Listen to your heart…" he muttered.

"A heart goes like this…" Sirius said helpfully, tapping out a rhythm on the floor.

"I don't think he means it quite so literally."

"Sit back, relax…" Sirius read "Maybe we are meant to go to sleep."

Remus sniggered.

"Yeah, you wish. Come on lazy bones, I need all the help I can get."

Sirius sighed, squinting at the parchment. Remus looked at the ceiling. Listen to his heart… that must mean he had to do something that he wanted to do deep down, but wasn't consciously aware of. So to find it, he would have to go into subconscious thought. Which were… dreams? Well, daydreams at any rate.

"Don't talk to me for a minute. I'm thinking." he said. Sirius nodded. Remus lay back, and tried to let himself drift. He closed his eyes, and tried to clear his mind. Sirius looked down at Remus.

"You aren't going to sleep are you?" he asked.

"Dammit Sirius! I was trying to have an epiphany!"

"Oh… sorry. Good luck with that."

Remus sighed, and shook his head. Then suddenly, he knew. He leaned forwards, and kissed Sirius. Sirius' eyes widened, but before he could respond, Remus pulled away, and turned towards the tunnel entrance. The purple light was fading, and Remus got to his feet, stooping so as to not bang his head. Sirius followed, utterly bewildered. He had no idea how Remus had known what to do, nor why James had assigned that action to release them from the shack. They emerged from the roots of the Whomping

Willow to see James lolling on the ground in the sun.

"Ah!" he beamed "Here you are! That was quicker than I expected, well done. And now, we can go to tell everybody the truth about the past week. Come."

They followed him. Sirius felt quite annoyed that the week was over, come to think of it. He looked at Remus, and knew what he had to do. He had to make sure.

"Uh Remes? Can I talk to you for a sec, first?"

They had just entered the main school. They were attracted a few strange looks since they were in their underwear, but luckily there were no teachers or Slytherins about. Remus nodded.

"Meet you in the common room." Sirius said to James. He winked, and Sirius got the strangest feeling that James knew exactly what was going on. Remus followed Sirius up a flight of stairs and down a deserted corridor. Sirius pulled back a tapestry, behind which was a door. He opened it, and they both went inside the secret passage concealed behind it. Remus pulled the tapestry back over the doorway, and closed the door behind them. Then he gave Sirius a quizzical look. Sirius cleared his throat, which felt suddenly like sandpaper.

"Uh, Remus? Um… why exactly… how did you know what to do, to get us out of the Shack?"

Remus swallowed.

"I just thought, you know, what kind of thing would James have us do to get out of there?"

Sirius smiled.

"You know Remus, your left eyes does the cutest little twitch thing when you're lying."

Remus sighed.

"All right then. Promise you won't hate me."

"Okay."

"Well… I listened to my heart. Happy?"

Sirius looked confused.

"When you say that, what do you mean?"

Remus looked exasperated.

"Oh for Merlin's sake… I'm in love with you, you stupid bastard!" he snapped. Sirius' look of confusion turned suddenly to delight.

"Well, seeing as we're doing the confession thing, I have one as well. About last night… I lied. That kiss did mean something. Because… well… I love you too."

Remus raised his eyebrow.

"You do?"

"I do."

"Prove it."

Sirius sighed, smiling. He grabbed the front of Remus' vest and kissed him fervently. Remus kissed him back just as hard, pressing himself against Sirius and running his fingers through the long black hair. Sirius smiled as he plunged his tongue into Remus' mouth. Their tongues danced a wild tango as Sirius closed his eyes, pushing Remus against the wall and stroking his neck as they kissed hungrily. Remus pulled away and looked into Sirius' steely grey eyes.

"Wow." He breathed, fanning his face with one hand. "Okay, I believe you."

"Thought you might." Sirius breathed into Remus' lips.

"Poor James, his plan failed…" Remus whispered back. "His "test of character" tasks, designed to humiliate us and force us into giving up, therefore ending up hideously deformed, backfired and made us realise our true feelings."

"True." Sirius said "So… you want to just not tell anybody it was a prank? Carry on the charade as it were?"

"Seems a good idea." Remus smiled. "You can tell James."

"I will do if you kiss me again…"

"Sounds fair." Remus grinned, and kissed Sirius again. Sirius punched the air above his head, jumping up and down. Remus laughed.

"Idiot." he said. Sirius swept Remus up in his arms, planting butterfly kisses up his neck. Remus moaned, wriggling. He wrapped his arms around Sirius, and then his legs, kissing Sirius, losing himself in Sirius. Sirius pushed Remus down onto the floor, not breaking the kiss. Remus let out a small moan as they hit the floor.

And a few feet away, concealed under the Invisibility Cloak, James Potter watched them in interest.

_Silly puppies_ he thought fondly _my plan worked perfectly. _

Then, as Sirius ground himself against Remus, kissing every inch of bare skin in reach, James decided it might be time to leave. He slipped out of the passage, closing the door quietly behind him. But Sirius and Remus were too wrapped up in each other to notice.

"Is this really happening?" Remus gasped, his brown hair fanning out around his head as Sirius bit down on his shoulder.

"I hope so." Sirius growled "My fantasies aren't usually this intense."

He sat upright, looking down at Remus like he was a huge chocolate cake that he just wanted to devour. Remus tried to sit up, but Sirius pushed him back down.

"Down boy." he ordered, grinning. Remus strained against Sirius' arm, and eventually got free. He rolled over so that he was on top and Sirius was underneath.

"Not so tough now, are you?" he sneered. Sirius retaliated by licking his lips and giving a roguish wink that Remus just couldn't resist. The brunette leaned forwards and kissed Sirius roughly, biting his lips and running his tongue along his teeth. Sirius groaned, feeling heat explode inside him. Remus pulled away, leaving Sirius lying angrily on the floor, glaring up at him.

"You stopped." he said accusingly.

"So sorry." Remus drawled.

"Don't stop." Sirius moaned, squirming underneath Remus.

"James will be wondering where we went." Remus reminded him.

"I hate you." Sirius scowled. Remus smirked.

"Don't worry Sirius. There will be plenty of time for that later." Remus said. "And more, much more."

"I like the sound of that." Sirius purred. "James was right. This _was_ the mother of all pranks."


End file.
